A woman and a man are involved in a car accident, and it’s a bad one. Both of their cars are totally demolished, but amazingly neither of them is hurt. 

After they crawl out of their cars, the woman says, “Wow, just look at our cars! There is nothing left, but fortunately we are both unhurt.  This must be a sign from God that we should meet and be friends and live together in peace for the rest of our days.”

The man replies, “I agree with you completely. This must be a sign from God!”

The woman continues, “And look at this, here’s another miracle. My car is completely demolished, but this bottle of wine didn’t break.  Surely God wants us to drink this wine and celebrate our good fortune!”

Then she hands the bottle to the man.  The man nods his head in agreement, opens it, drinks half the bottle and then extends it back to the woman. Politely, the woman refuses to accept the bottle back.

The man asks, “Aren’t you having any?”

The woman replies, “No thanks, I think I’ll just wait for the police…”

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He says: I dont k now why you wear a bra, you have nothing to put in it.
She says: You wear boxers, don’t you?

He says:  DO you love me just because my father left me a fortune?
She says: Not at all honey. I would love you no matter who left you the money.

He says: This coffee isn’t fit for a pig!
She says: No problem, I’ll get you some that is.

He says: Since I first laid eyes on you, I’ve wanted to make love to you in the worst way.
She says: Well, you succeeded.

He says: Why do you women always try to impress us with your looks, not with your brains?
She says: Because there is a bigger chance that a man is a mornon than he is blind.

He says: Let’s go out and have some fun tonight.
She says: Ok, but if you get home before I do, leave the hall light on.

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A couple is in bed sleeping when there is a rat-a-tat-tat- on the door.  The husband rolls over and looks at the clock, it’s 3:30am.  “I”m not getting out of bed at this time,” he thinks, and rolls over.  There’s a louder knock, so he drags himself out of bed, goes downstairs, opens the door, and a man is standing there on the doorstep.  It doesn’t take him long to see that the man is drunk.

“Hi there,” slurs the stranger. “Can you give me a push?”

“No, get lost! It’s 3:30 am and I was in bed!” the homeowner yells.

The man slams the door and goes back up to bed.  He tells his wife what happened, and she says, “That wasn’t very nice of you. Remember that night we broke down in the pouring rain on the way to pick up the kids from the babysitter and you had to knock on that man’s house to get us started again? What would have happened if he had told us to get lost?”

“But the guy was drunk,” says the husband.
“It doesn’t matter. He needs our help and it would be the right thing to do to go and help him!” his wife protests.

So the husband gets out of bed again, gets dressed and goes downstairs. He opens the door, and not being able to see the stranger anywhere, he shouts, “Hey, do you still want a push?”

And he hears a voice cry out, “Yes, please!”

“Where are you?” the husband asks.

“Over here, on the swing!”

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Great reasons to be a guy:

Your ass is never a factor in a job interview. (My ass has never been a factor.. only a benefit :giggle: )
Your orgasms are real. Always.  (So are mine. Men aren’t worth enough to fake it. If you aren’t doing the job right, I’m not going to fake an orgasm to make you feel better!!)
Your last name stays put.  (IF I were ever dumb enough to get married, I would keep my last name!)
Wedding plans take care of themselves.
You don’t have to curl up next to a hairy ass every night. (neither do I, I would make him shave it!)
Chocolate is just another snack. (Blasphemy! :giggle: )
Car mechanics don’t lie to you. (and they better not lie to me, either!)
You don’t give a rats ass if someone notices your new hair cut. (everyone always notices when I get mine cut!)
Hot wax never comes near your pubic area (I know they are talking about bikini waxes here, but I guarantee you I have made men pour hot wax on their cock and balls before!)

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A man is dating three women and wants to decide which to marry. He decides to give them a test. He gives each woman a present of $5000 and watches to see what they do with the money. 

The first does a total make over. She goes to a fancy beauty salon, gets her hair done,  gets new makeup and buys several new outfits to dress up very nicely for the man.  She tells him that she has done this to be more attractive to him because she loves him.  The man is impressed.

The second goes shopping to buy the man gifts. She gets him a new set of golf clubs, some gizmos for his computer, and some expensive clothes.  As she presents these gifts, she tells him that she has spent all the money on him because she loves him so much. Again, the man is impressed.

The third woman invests her money into the stock market.  She earns several times the original $5000.  She gives him back the $5000 and reinvests the remainder in a joint account.  She tells him that she wants to save for their future because she loves him. Obviously he’s very impressed.

He thinks for a long time about what each woman has done with the money that he gave them.  Then, he marries the one with the biggest boobs.

See, what did I tell you? :giggle:

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Mistress Lilah has one special pet that worships the ground that she walks on more than any other.  WD is her special pet, and for Valentines’ day, he got her the cutest little puppy ever!  But unfortunately, by a freak accident, her puppy passed away recently, and WD found another puppy for her to love and cuddle.  I was looking at her blog last night and saw that she has posted pictures of the adorable little buggar… apparently he’s a terror, and she has named him Taz… as in, tasmanian devil! :giggle:  I love it… and he is soooo cute.  I am very jealous and want one of these little balls of cuddly puff for my own! :giggle:

I know that many of you might be intimidated by two dominant women, both of them putting all of their attention on you, but don’t let our Princess prowess divert you from a very hot and sexy phone session with two Mistresses who can give you an experience you will never forget.  When you see us both available for calls, make sure you get us while you can!

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I  had such a call earlier today from a horny web cam stroker slut.  He wanted to do a sexy role play fantasy with me that involved him coming home from work early and finding me on the couch with a black man who had a huge cock.  I turned him into my cock sucking cuckold boyfriend, making him get that black dick hard for me before he gave me over to that superior cock.  Mmmm, I admit, I love those kinds of calls! Cuckolds turned into cock suckers are tops with me! :giggle:

If you want to show me your dick or have a little web cam session, then give your Princess a call! You know how I Love to play with my boys, no matter what size your cock is!

Mistress Phone Sex with Princess Heather
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